Ok, I number closed my coworker today. We have never, ever done anything outside of work as I had only known her while I had a GF. We'd only worked together like 4 hours every other week basically for the last 6 months. This particular session took place from like 1pm to 6pm, so keep that in mind.
Here's how it went down:
Started work like any other day. She's late. We do the usual work stuff and get it done so we can bullshit the rest of the day. We start chit chatting, no real need to do an "opener" since we are already fine with talking to each other. So I find out she's going out with this guy (not BF but seeing each other the last 3 weeks or so). So I start in on a BF destroyer.
Me: Oh really, he must be awesome. He's calling you 10 times a day right and sending you gushy texts every 20 minutes right?
Her: (Negative, non-defensive tone) Noooo...
Me: Oh. I guess that's ok.
I should have went further with the BF Destroyer gambit, but I felt I didn't need to because THEY'RE NOT BF/GF. So going any further would seem a bit antagonistic and she'd wonder why I was doing this, but this seemed sufficient.
She mentions he's in Las Vegas with his friends now and she tells me he's probably playing poker. I tell her the guy sounds awesome, and that I play poker too and she should introduce me to him and I could play him heads up. Convo:
Her: Oh ok, that's cool. Yeah he was telling me last night he won $250 at poker last night too.
Me: Oh, nice! I went to an L.A. cardroom earlier this week too. He sounds like my kinda guy.
Her: Cool, how'd that go?
Me: No biggie, just up a grand.
Her: *Shocked face* WHAT?!
Me: Yeah I'm updating my wardrobe. I absolutely fail at fashion though, but you're an Art major, let me get your opinion on some things to buy.
Her: Yeah, totally!
Notice I didn't bring offer her the info of how much I make. I just basically said "oh he sounds chill, him and I should play together" and she asked me how I did. And I very quickly changed the subject cause I didn't want any try-hard-ness to come across at all cause I honestly could care less about the money I make at poker. In retrospect, I probably should have teased her about wanting to know. That actually sounds better, definately, in retrospect. And then segwayed into "oh i'm buying a new wardrobe" and ask for advice on expensive clothing so she can make the assumption that I make enough in poker to afford lots of new and expensive clothing.
We proceed to go on shopping sites and I neg her on some things that she suggests and praise on others. I tell her:
Me: You're like my asian sister from another mister.
Her: What? Haha!
I then shift to telling her I broke up with my ex-gf who also happens to work at the same place, but she told me she's not close with her at all.
Me: Did I tell you this yet? I broke up with ________.
Her: Oh no way? How'd that go down?
Me: Well she was getting some pretty big expectations for our relationship and I didn't have those same expectations so, after about 4-6 months of clashing expectations, I just had to end it. It was the best thing for the both of us.
Her: What kind of expectations?
Me: You know, the "where are we going with this?" and "when do you see yourself getting married" kind of expectations. She wanted to be married immediately after college and have kids by the time she's 25.
Her: *shocked expression on her face* Oh my god, I can see why you'd do that.
Me: Yeah, I don't like going by time frames. And to be honest, it sounded like she just wanted the security of marriage and a kid, and I wasn't into that.
Her: Yeah, some girls are like that and it's a shame. I am completely the opposite.
We talk some more. Then I bust into routines. She mentioned in there that she loves little games. So when I hear this I rush into Style's 1-10 routine.
Her: Ooh a game!
Me: *writes down 7 on a paper and folds it* I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10.
Her: 6
Me: *cutting her off* Oh my god, I haven't even told you what the game is!
Her: Haha, ok.
Me: Ok, a number between 1 and 10 what is it.
Her: 7?
Hand her the paper
Her: *happy face* OMG! I did that! Haha!
*I initiate a high five and she fives me*
Her: Do it again, do it again!
Me: I'm not a performance monkey, little lady.
Her: Awww.
A customer comes in so I help them for about 10 minutes. I come back and I start in with the game again. I write 3. She guesses 2. She's still excited. Then I start with the 5 questions game, but with a twist.
Me: Ok, one last game for you kiddo.
Her: Yay!
Me: Alright, If I win this you buy me coffee. If you win this, I buy you coffee after work.
Her. OK!
Me: Ok, I'm gonna ask you 5 questions and... (go into 5 questions routine and she loses)
Her: OMG! WTF! Haha! (She gets a red face and smiles, so cute haha)
So we chat some more and close up work. It's now 5pm. We head on over to the coffee shop across the street in the University Center. Note that she has not talked about this other guy she' seeing since like 3pm. We get coffee, I tell her she needs to think of a bet so diabolical and sinister that I get her coffee next time. She says she's still mad in a playful way. We get our coffee and go outside and sit together.
*Sitting Parallel to each other like | | *
There were some kids having fun outside, so I launch into the When we were young routine that Style came up with. And this perfectly applies to my life too.
Me: Isn't that kid so cute? *looks at kid who has his head on the ground and his butt in the air making cute kiddy noises*
Her: Haha yeah. He's so free.
Me: Yeah, don't you wish you were that young again. It was so easy to make friends. I remember when I lived in San Diego when I was 5. I would just walked out onto my front lawn and see the kids playing in the street and wave them over and say 'Hey wanna be my friend' and we'd just start playing.
Her: Awww *brushes hair*
Me: *turn body and sit facing her* Were you like that when you were a kid?
Her: *turns body and faces me* Goes into her childhood.
(topic turns to how we were brought up and religion, she's Catholic I'm Agnostic)
Me: I never grew up with much spirituality, but I see how religion can be the same as any other philosophy.
(we launch into a discussion on how we both view religion and we really click and make a connection on that.)
*we both scoot closer to each other and lean in closer as we continue our conversation*
We continue our conversation. I am seriously connecting with this girl on beliefs and memories and stuff. I am totally controlling the conversation but letting her do the talking via Me making OPEN-ENDED STATEMENTS (and she is totally into the conversation, laughing and it looks like she's feeling it too) We hold eye contact for LONG periods of time without any discomfort, in-fact I felt a TOTAL COMFORT between us as we consistantly smiled at one another.
This girl comes in from the side and she is this girl's sorority friend (the girl i'm talking to is in a sorority but she's not too into it, a "fringe" member).
Me: Don't be rude, introduce me to your friend!
Her: Oh, hehe this is _______.
Me: Nice to meet you.
They talk for like 10 seconds.
____ : Well I'll get going now and leave you two alone.
We keep talking and holy shit an hour goes by. It seriously blew by. The rest of the conversation was filled with some good rapport/comfort building interspersed with some C&F where she laughed alot. She's very sarcastic and I like that alot about her. Also kino included some more high fives and knuckle bumps. Since we're on a high (no lulls in the conversation at all), I decide to end the conversation.
Me: Hey I gotta meet a friend pretty quick here, but gimme your number. I'll call you next time I'm gonna go shopping and you can help me out.
Her: Ok, sure!
*exchange phone numbers*
And we part after I one arm hug her.
She has told me in the past that all the guys she has EVER done anything with have been friends with her first and then it escalated to more than just friends. So I figured a deep connection on this chat would be perfect for setting up a Day 2 and "expediting" the feeling like she's known me for forever. Is this sound game or AFC?
Now, my question(s) for you guys is this:
Should I text game her or call-game her?
When should I start?
How should I handle setting up the day 2 so that it actually works and I still have an alpha role in this relationship?
I see taking her shopping with me as a chance to escalate kino with the possibility of K-closing. But I need a bit of advice on how to proceed.
So far I have treated the guy she mentioned earlier at this report as if he didn't exist post her mentioning him earlier in the day at work. She did NOT mention him at all after that (GOLDEN sign).
Here is what I was thinking of doing. Critique it and then please post your own original suggestions if you disagree with them:
- Call her randomly during the day tomorrow and do a Mystery 1st call back where I talk to her randomly, do a DHV (like tell her this girl i was just talking to was totally hitting on me) or something and tell her someone else is calling and I'll call her right back but never call.
- Call her again on Monday or Tuesday and set up the shopping Day 2
What do you guys think about my plan? Or do you think I should use another approach to setting up a Day 2?
Here's how it went down:
Started work like any other day. She's late. We do the usual work stuff and get it done so we can bullshit the rest of the day. We start chit chatting, no real need to do an "opener" since we are already fine with talking to each other. So I find out she's going out with this guy (not BF but seeing each other the last 3 weeks or so). So I start in on a BF destroyer.
Me: Oh really, he must be awesome. He's calling you 10 times a day right and sending you gushy texts every 20 minutes right?
Her: (Negative, non-defensive tone) Noooo...
Me: Oh. I guess that's ok.
I should have went further with the BF Destroyer gambit, but I felt I didn't need to because THEY'RE NOT BF/GF. So going any further would seem a bit antagonistic and she'd wonder why I was doing this, but this seemed sufficient.
She mentions he's in Las Vegas with his friends now and she tells me he's probably playing poker. I tell her the guy sounds awesome, and that I play poker too and she should introduce me to him and I could play him heads up. Convo:
Her: Oh ok, that's cool. Yeah he was telling me last night he won $250 at poker last night too.
Me: Oh, nice! I went to an L.A. cardroom earlier this week too. He sounds like my kinda guy.
Her: Cool, how'd that go?
Me: No biggie, just up a grand.
Her: *Shocked face* WHAT?!
Me: Yeah I'm updating my wardrobe. I absolutely fail at fashion though, but you're an Art major, let me get your opinion on some things to buy.
Her: Yeah, totally!
Notice I didn't bring offer her the info of how much I make. I just basically said "oh he sounds chill, him and I should play together" and she asked me how I did. And I very quickly changed the subject cause I didn't want any try-hard-ness to come across at all cause I honestly could care less about the money I make at poker. In retrospect, I probably should have teased her about wanting to know. That actually sounds better, definately, in retrospect. And then segwayed into "oh i'm buying a new wardrobe" and ask for advice on expensive clothing so she can make the assumption that I make enough in poker to afford lots of new and expensive clothing.
We proceed to go on shopping sites and I neg her on some things that she suggests and praise on others. I tell her:
Me: You're like my asian sister from another mister.
Her: What? Haha!
I then shift to telling her I broke up with my ex-gf who also happens to work at the same place, but she told me she's not close with her at all.
Me: Did I tell you this yet? I broke up with ________.
Her: Oh no way? How'd that go down?
Me: Well she was getting some pretty big expectations for our relationship and I didn't have those same expectations so, after about 4-6 months of clashing expectations, I just had to end it. It was the best thing for the both of us.
Her: What kind of expectations?
Me: You know, the "where are we going with this?" and "when do you see yourself getting married" kind of expectations. She wanted to be married immediately after college and have kids by the time she's 25.
Her: *shocked expression on her face* Oh my god, I can see why you'd do that.
Me: Yeah, I don't like going by time frames. And to be honest, it sounded like she just wanted the security of marriage and a kid, and I wasn't into that.
Her: Yeah, some girls are like that and it's a shame. I am completely the opposite.
We talk some more. Then I bust into routines. She mentioned in there that she loves little games. So when I hear this I rush into Style's 1-10 routine.
Her: Ooh a game!
Me: *writes down 7 on a paper and folds it* I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10.
Her: 6
Me: *cutting her off* Oh my god, I haven't even told you what the game is!
Her: Haha, ok.
Me: Ok, a number between 1 and 10 what is it.
Her: 7?
Hand her the paper
Her: *happy face* OMG! I did that! Haha!
*I initiate a high five and she fives me*
Her: Do it again, do it again!
Me: I'm not a performance monkey, little lady.
Her: Awww.
A customer comes in so I help them for about 10 minutes. I come back and I start in with the game again. I write 3. She guesses 2. She's still excited. Then I start with the 5 questions game, but with a twist.
Me: Ok, one last game for you kiddo.
Her: Yay!
Me: Alright, If I win this you buy me coffee. If you win this, I buy you coffee after work.
Her. OK!
Me: Ok, I'm gonna ask you 5 questions and... (go into 5 questions routine and she loses)
Her: OMG! WTF! Haha! (She gets a red face and smiles, so cute haha)
So we chat some more and close up work. It's now 5pm. We head on over to the coffee shop across the street in the University Center. Note that she has not talked about this other guy she' seeing since like 3pm. We get coffee, I tell her she needs to think of a bet so diabolical and sinister that I get her coffee next time. She says she's still mad in a playful way. We get our coffee and go outside and sit together.
*Sitting Parallel to each other like | | *
There were some kids having fun outside, so I launch into the When we were young routine that Style came up with. And this perfectly applies to my life too.
Me: Isn't that kid so cute? *looks at kid who has his head on the ground and his butt in the air making cute kiddy noises*
Her: Haha yeah. He's so free.
Me: Yeah, don't you wish you were that young again. It was so easy to make friends. I remember when I lived in San Diego when I was 5. I would just walked out onto my front lawn and see the kids playing in the street and wave them over and say 'Hey wanna be my friend' and we'd just start playing.
Her: Awww *brushes hair*
Me: *turn body and sit facing her* Were you like that when you were a kid?
Her: *turns body and faces me* Goes into her childhood.
(topic turns to how we were brought up and religion, she's Catholic I'm Agnostic)
Me: I never grew up with much spirituality, but I see how religion can be the same as any other philosophy.
(we launch into a discussion on how we both view religion and we really click and make a connection on that.)
*we both scoot closer to each other and lean in closer as we continue our conversation*
We continue our conversation. I am seriously connecting with this girl on beliefs and memories and stuff. I am totally controlling the conversation but letting her do the talking via Me making OPEN-ENDED STATEMENTS (and she is totally into the conversation, laughing and it looks like she's feeling it too) We hold eye contact for LONG periods of time without any discomfort, in-fact I felt a TOTAL COMFORT between us as we consistantly smiled at one another.
This girl comes in from the side and she is this girl's sorority friend (the girl i'm talking to is in a sorority but she's not too into it, a "fringe" member).
Me: Don't be rude, introduce me to your friend!
Her: Oh, hehe this is _______.
Me: Nice to meet you.
They talk for like 10 seconds.
____ : Well I'll get going now and leave you two alone.
We keep talking and holy shit an hour goes by. It seriously blew by. The rest of the conversation was filled with some good rapport/comfort building interspersed with some C&F where she laughed alot. She's very sarcastic and I like that alot about her. Also kino included some more high fives and knuckle bumps. Since we're on a high (no lulls in the conversation at all), I decide to end the conversation.
Me: Hey I gotta meet a friend pretty quick here, but gimme your number. I'll call you next time I'm gonna go shopping and you can help me out.
Her: Ok, sure!
*exchange phone numbers*
And we part after I one arm hug her.
She has told me in the past that all the guys she has EVER done anything with have been friends with her first and then it escalated to more than just friends. So I figured a deep connection on this chat would be perfect for setting up a Day 2 and "expediting" the feeling like she's known me for forever. Is this sound game or AFC?
Now, my question(s) for you guys is this:
Should I text game her or call-game her?
When should I start?
How should I handle setting up the day 2 so that it actually works and I still have an alpha role in this relationship?
I see taking her shopping with me as a chance to escalate kino with the possibility of K-closing. But I need a bit of advice on how to proceed.
So far I have treated the guy she mentioned earlier at this report as if he didn't exist post her mentioning him earlier in the day at work. She did NOT mention him at all after that (GOLDEN sign).
Here is what I was thinking of doing. Critique it and then please post your own original suggestions if you disagree with them:
- Call her randomly during the day tomorrow and do a Mystery 1st call back where I talk to her randomly, do a DHV (like tell her this girl i was just talking to was totally hitting on me) or something and tell her someone else is calling and I'll call her right back but never call.
- Call her again on Monday or Tuesday and set up the shopping Day 2
What do you guys think about my plan? Or do you think I should use another approach to setting up a Day 2?
